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Caffeine Madness - July 2007

Cafe Classico

July 25th 2007 08:33
Café Classico

260 Collins St, Level 1
CBD, Melbourne.
Attendants: The Hatter (Writer) The Dormouse


Overview:

For this most recent review Dormouse and I decided to venture away from our own neighborhood into central Melbourne itself. Being a bit of a dreary day we were more avid then ever for a hot coffee and a bite to eat. After our planned trip to the book store we found Collins street plaza, and after a bit of searching, Found a nice classy looking café at the very back on the floor above the food court. After wandering in and not really seeing any indication as to whether we seat ourselves or wait to be seated, we weren’t left hanging for very long as somebody came out and showed us to a seat and offered drinks when menus were brought. So we ordered two cokes while we chose what to eat.


Points of interest
Licensed (Including a favorite of mine rarely seen in cafés, port)
Range of T2 brand teas
Functions, and catering available
Full several course meals offered as pay per head.
Large range of coffee
Allergy warning (tell wait staff if you are allergic to anything so they may void it from your meal.)


Service

The pleasant service seemed to end the moment we sat down. Almost the whole café was practically deserted, yet we were shown to the most out of the way table, right next to a staff room door, both drafty and mildly irritating when a lot of the comfy looking booth seats were taken up by what looked plaza staff on there breaks. When it came time to order our pasta, after several responses of “Huh?” and “uuhh…” from out waitress, we had to eventually just point at the menu before she understood. Likewise with our drink orders. Not to sound to harsh on the staff, the pasta was brought reasonably quickly though; we noted that as a plus, until of course we sampled the food


Food and Beverage
The Dormouse decided on the Fettuccine Carbonara, a favorite of us both, regardless of the slightly steep price. I myself just ordered a coffee, and was to share with Dormouse, not feeling particularly hungry. Our first surprise came at the size of the portion, for what had been charged it was a trifle smaller than expected. Second was that the waiter walked away without brining any cutlery, coming back a minuet or two later with a fork and spoon. Now I have worked as a waiter before, carrying two or three plates as well as cutlery is not as difficult as it may look, so I was surprised that the manager looking member of staff chose not too. The worst, I am sorry to say, was left to last. The pasta was in the lack of a better term, foul. I don’t mean to sound so harsh, and those who have read my previous reviews would agree I am generally very complimentary, but I could find nothing to praise in this meal. The pasta was dry and chewy, the bacon was barely cooked, Carbonara is usually a cream sauce, we were given a bowel of oil with bits of cooked (looked like scrambled) egg, yes, Egg. If I am wrong and am missing a more traditional version of carbonara, by all means correct me. But I have to say, when there is so much oil that it’s all you can taste over the rest of the pasta something is not right. Whether the cook was having an off day or this was just their personal method I don’t know, all I know that neither myself or the Dormouse could summon the stomach to finish more than half of what is usually our favorite pasta. As for the coffee, what can I say? The man behind the espresso machine simply did not seem to care. As he steamed the milk instead of looking at what he was doing, his attention wandered everywhere but what he was doing and the screech of what almost sounded like pain from the jug made me wince, and feel apprehensive of the cappuccino to come. My fear was well placed; it was undrinkable by both our standards. Coffee and milk burnt alike. We had to toss it on the way out.


Pricing and Overall
Fettuccine Carbonara: $18
Take away Cappuccino: $2.90
Two glasses of Coke: $5.80

Pricing was higher than most places in the general CBD of Melbourne that I have been to in the past, going as high as almost eighteen dollars for a simple chicken parmigiana and chips, and with the quality of the pasta we sampled, we were doubtful such a price would be worth it. I don’t like giving bad reviews, I really don’t, but here it could not be avoided. As we were paying the bill, a couple were at the front of the café seemingly debating to enter or not, If I were been a more forthright person I would of gone up and told them to not bother, but they moved on while we were being giving change. After all this, the man behind the counter made a subtle hint at the tip jar, which after such terrible service I thought was a joke. I can safely say, indeed both I and Dormouse can, That the coffee we had at one of the larger chain coffee shop a few hours earlier had been far better and cheaper than the whole sorry mess, and we should of called it a day then.
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The Turtle Bean Cafe

July 23rd 2007 08:24
The Turtle Bean Café

97 Poath Road
Murrumbeena, Melbourne.
Attendants: The Hatter (Writer) The Dormouse


Overview:

The Turtle Bean Café lies not far from Hughesdale station, yet again right near where I currently live. The luck of finding a decent café already in that area had already been used up, could lightning strike in the same place? Being so close to our last reviewed café we could not resist testing them out. As soon as we entered we were greeting with a smile and a welcome, it was comfortable and warm surroundings. Music from local and abroad alternate bands and artists plays through the café, giving it a pleasant background ambiance. They are Fully licensed with various beers on tap, as well as wine and spirits on request, there was even Baileys Irish Cream (yummers). For those of us who like to sleep in a bit, which I know I do! Breakfast is served right up to 3pm! No problem paying either with eftpos and credit card facilities. A lovely open-air courtyard out the back, for you outdoorsy or smoker types, I’m a sucker for a courtyard, so this is where we sat. Turtle themed decor goes throughout the indoor area, with walls also covered in posters for various artists and live musical events, both local and worldwide. Overall, a very pleasant place.


Service
The service at the Turtle Bean was fast and friendly, We were greeted and seated the second we set foot in the door, and they were busy at the time but still able to have no waiting time. After being shown to our courtyard table we we’re given our menus and ordered our coffee, which came back quickly but giving us enough time to order. Out waitress stayed and had a brief chat with us, commenting about Dormouse’s new haircut then left. After talking amongst ourselves and drinking our complementary chilled water and taking notes, out meals arrived. Again the waiter stopped to chat with us when Dormouse mentioned that this certain waiters mum had been talking about him at the hairdressers that morning. Sure it was just quick pleasant banter but I think things like that really elevate the mood and overall quality of a café. So many times do I get the simple and overly used “Thank you enjoy our meal” with the bland smile and false cheerfulness, making that little extra effort is always an awesome touch.


Food and Beverage
When we were given our menu’s we ordered out usual drinks. A Latte for The Dormouse and an extra strong Cappuccino for The Hatter. We were not disappointed. It took almost no time at all, and I thought with such a quick service I was skeptical about their quality. By oh boy did I eat my words! Dormouse’s Latte arrived with a perfect swirl of white and brown foam, not one bubble to be seen with a naked eye, and my cappuccino, when I poured a stick of sugar in, as I usually do and wait for it to sink through, the grains merely sat there. So it was obvious whoever was making the milk new what they were doing! As for the coffee itself, I wish I had ordered another one. Now with an alias like The Hatter, It obvious I’m a little picky about my caffeine, having worked as a barista (for the lack of a better term) most of my working life it’s a force of habit, but even a picky nuisance like me could find no fault with there coffee, I’ve been told a “critic” should never overly praise something but to hell with that, it was perfect coffee!
As for what we ate, well, The Dormouse summed it up in two words for me “exceptionally great” and I’m inclined to agree! We both could not resist the “Turtle bean special breakfast” although the rather extensive menu had a lot of great sounding breakfast and lunch meals. In our meal we got: Sourdough toast, wild mushrooms (fried) fried tomatoes, free range poached eggs, sausage, turtle beans in a fresh tomato melange, spinach, a hash brown, flame grilled bacon and a little glass dish of tomato sauce. I had to make Dormouse take a photo of it before I tucked in! After looking up Turtle beans online (as I was curious as to what a turtle bean actually was) I found they are simple known commonly as “Black Beans” I member of the pea and lentil family, very tasty in my opinion and extremely high in protein. I have to say it; this breakfast could easily be the only meal you would have to eat in a day. Myself and the Dormouse are well known for being bottomless pits when it comes to food, but Neither of us could manage to finish it, I left a piece of toast and egg, Dormouse leaving almost a whole rasher of bacon, we couldn’t believe ourselves! I recommend it to anybody and everybody; you will not regret even one delicious bite. I give high praise to their chef.


Pricing and Overall

Cappuccino and Latte – 2.90 each

Two Turtle bean special breakfast - $15 each

Overall, This has to be one of my favorite cafés. I know I’m supposed to be unbiased but hey, I cant help it, there just that good! Some of you may say the price of the breakfast is too much, but look at the photo again and see just how much you get! I think it was well worth it, not something you have everyday, but good way to treat yourself! The only real downsides I could see was that as nice as courtyards are, This one was a little haphazard. Was more like they had a little extra room out back so just plonked some tables and chair out there. No decoration and overgrown weeds everywhere, but this aside, a brilliant place to sit and have an fantastic meal. I highly recommend it to you all!
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Ok, I thought I had heard of it all, all the weird and wonderful flavors of coffee on the market.

Boy was I wrong!

Introducing, for your (dis)pleasure.

Cat Crap Coffee

I'm not joking.

An import from Indonesia, Kopi Luwak Coffee is, due to its rarity and difficulty to..er.."harvest" comes in at one of the most rare and expensive coffee's in the world. This...does not surprise me! Only about 500 kilos can be gathered a year. Why? I already told you.

It comes from cat crap.

The Luwak, or Civet, Is a mammal more closely related to the skunk than the cat. It apparently has a natural instinct to eat only the very ripest fruit from coffee plants. While the fruit is digested by the little fuzzball the bean stays relatively unchanged, but its said that the ordeal messes with the protein levels of the bean, which is meant to be a major player in the bitterness of the coffee. This was the kicker though, supposedly coffee made from these washed and sterilized beans has a distinct.....Chocolate..taste ...I only want to know one thing.

Who the hell thought of this first?

"Oh, look! That small animal is eating the coffee...lets wait for it to come out the other side, wash it, and see how it tastes!"

For once I am left utterly speechless. Sound just a little too exotic and expensive for you? Then why not try its lower market counterpart.

Weasel Vomit Coffee.

Hailing from Vietnam, they feed the coffee to a rare weasel, then, after the little guy has barfed the lot up its cleaned, sterilized, and sent straight to the roasters.

One side of my mind is saying "What the hell is WRONG with you people"
The other half is saying "Hey I wonder how it tastes"

Only question is am I game enough to try?

Buy Cat Coffee
Weasel Coffee)Also some of the most disturbing treats and snacks I have EVER seen)



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So it begins...

July 19th 2007 00:47
Greetings!

Who am I


[ Click here to read more ]
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